No less an authority than The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette as Revised and Expanded by Letitia Baldridge, provides one hundred and twenty seven pages of instruction regarding weddings and their receptions.  There are dozens of references of when, where, and how guests and members of the wedding party may engage in the consumption of beverages.  For instance, we are reminded, "It is nice for friends to slip glasses of champagne to the attendants and the bride and groom, providing there is a table or window sill behind them to hide their glasses.  No one is supposed to be seen drinking in the reception line, except for an occasional sip.  Guests are not supposed to go through the line either with a glass in their hands."  Unfortunately there is no comment about how to appropriately handle the surprise arrival of an extra one hundred and eighty gallons of fine wine half way through the festivities.  I suppose one hundred and twenty seven pages only lets you deal with the broadest of contingencies and contexts.

 All gentle ribbing aside, etiquette does play a very important function in our life as social beings.  When there is a shared etiquette in a social group, individuals have a guide as to what is appropriate behavior in a variety of situations.  The creation of these shared expectations provide us with a comfort level in our interactions which serves to enhance our enjoyment.  As dear Letitia puts it in her preface, "Having good manners gives one a feeling of security in dealing with people."  And the book does try to provide one with a feeling of security in any and all contexts possible in this life from "visiting a naval vessel," to "business entertaining" or "an audience with the Pope."
 
It sounds like a great deal, keep the book in your hip pocket and you will never be confused about what to do or how to act in this world.  On the other hand, this other book of ours that provides us with readings on Sunday mornings leaves us in a different place.  Some would like to suggest that the Bible functions as a book of etiquette, providing us with a clear set of guidelines for our lives in all times and all places.  I, on the other hand, find that it functions to confound me more than enlighten me on more occasions than I am comfortable admitting.  I am right there with the chief steward trying to figure out where the wine is coming from and what the heck is going on.  I believe the problem is that although books of etiquette offer advice on a vast array of social interaction with others, their list does not include interactions with the Other.  God will not be adequately dealt with by a twenty percent tipping chart or a firm handshake with each introduction.  This story does not help matters.  Creating one hundred and eighty gallons of fine wine is a great party trick but as the inaugural act of Jesus' ministry it is not the most straight forward approach possible, is it?  Feeding the hungry or healing the sick or brilliantly opening up the scriptures that all may grasp their wisdom, something like that might make a bit more sense to us.  Extra wine at a party?  Perhaps the closing line of this text is telling.  "His disciples believed in him."    At first glance a rather perfunctory comment.  But what I do not read in that line is, they understood him.  I do not read that they knew what  was to come as they journeyed with Jesus.

Surely a miracle of healing or feeding could have brought on the same belief.  Surely the wedding reception would have survived with a few less glasses of wine around the table.  But this improbable, absurdly generous act does provide the disciples and us with this insight into our God, who is improbable and absurdly generous.  We, like the disciples, are not necessarily called to understand it all.  We are called to believe, to follow, to lift a glass and receive the gifts being offered.

The receiving gambit sounds like the easiest item on the list but that is not necessarily true.  Beyond the confusion that I hear in the wine steward's voice, I believe I hear a little consternation as well.  It is not always easy when someone is "overly generous" to us.  We have all had these uncomfortable moments; A colleague at work who we are not particularly close to gives us a birthday gift well beyond the ten dollar variety; The next door neighbor we have never met shovels our entire driveway before we get home from work.  When my father was rushed to the hospital my mother's neighbors dropped everything and were at her disposal twenty four hours a day.  She was thrilled for the help but felt guilty about their generosity.
 
Receiving is not always an easy thing, especially if we feel that what we are being given reaches beyond the bounds of what our etiquette books tell us is expected.  Sometimes we may even wish the generosity had never occurred because it leaves us feeling unsure of what to do.  It leaves us without a programmed response.  Surely thank you is not enough.

In our human interactions we often try and overcome any awkwardness we may feel by attempting to return the favor as it were.  My mother took her neighbors out for a lovely dinner to thank them for their kindness.  But how do we return the favor to God?  When God is improbably and absurdly generous to us what do we give of equal value in return?
 
Of course there is nothing we can do to return the favor.  It is just too much, too many gallons of fine wine to be purchased, even the gold, frankincense and myrrh of the three wise men is not enough.  Too much grace and love is poured into our cup for us to ever reciprocate in any equivocal fashion.
 
There are several ways we can respond to this predicament of ours, permanently indebted to our God.  One is to doubt the veracity of the gift.  This must be Thunderbird we are drinking no one would offer fine wine this late in the evening.  This grace business cannot be true.  God does not love me enough to truly forgive all of my limitations and imperfections.  Another response is to ask when the caviar will be served, to wallow in the generosity as a birthright, to assume we are deserving of all God has to offer and more.  Both of these responses come from a lack of understanding, and though the responses are inappropriate, the lack of understanding is entirely appropriate.
 
With all due respect to our well-honed theologies, I am not sure we can ever grasp where all the wine and grace are coming from or why.  Perhaps all we can do is believe,
believe in this one who took human form to be close enough to love us more deeply than we can love ourselves.  The only etiquette that is appropriate for all of this is gratefulness.  In the end we are the first etiquette lesson most of us were ever taught.   Say, thank you.

Amen.